Social Awkwardness…I have it

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You may not know this about me but I have some mild social anxiety issues…ok basically I’m a rock star at awkwardness.  I’m the person who says the wrong thing at the wrong time and then doesn’t know how to correct myself. I’m also the person that trips over my own shadow, so I’ve got clumsy and awkward going for me.   Just yesterday I smacked myself in the face with a hammer trying to remove pegboard off a wall.  If you can get past things like that and I know you’re perfectly fine with my social ineptness, we’re gonna get along great!  You’ll laugh, I’ll laugh and then we’ll both laugh…probably at me.

Typically, I’m uncomfortable when it’s just one on one or in large groups, so it’s pretty much all the time that I’m on edge around humans. Not to long ago, I made a lasting impression on a pregnant lady.  I don’t know what you would’ve said but I’ll bet it wouldn’t be, “WOW!  You’re huge!”  Ugggh…unbelievable!  I hadn’t even been drinking.  The words  came outta my mouth to fast for me to stop them.  I’m surprised I didn’t get banished to the depths of hell  for my insensitivity.  In my defense, she was always a very tiny lady and I didn’t get to see her pregnancy progress like others did.

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There have been times in large gatherings where I just walk away from the group, as if no one will notice ’cause in my mind I’m invisible!  (If only I had that super power)  I’d sneak away to go do my own thing, ya know like read a book or go to sleep.  There’s only so much socializing I can take, like 10 or 15 minutes…ok I can do 30 minutes.  I’m also that person who makes weird facial expressions so my thoughts can never be fully hidden even when I choose not to speak.  Trying to hold a conversation with someone produces an insane amount of pressure for me.  A lot of times I’ll just smile and nod while I’m thinking of the next furniture piece I want to re-finish.   There’s a good chance I didn’t hear anything you said to me.

Sometimes I have very random thoughts or questions.  These are real conversations I’ve had with my husband (who is a somewhat patient man)…

Me:  Hey can I ask you a question?  If a cheetah and an eagle were in a race, who do you think would win?

Him: (Rubs his forehead, rolls his eyes, gives it some thought) Proceeds to explain how fast each can run/fly and decides in a logical manner which would win.

Or

Me:  If we were walking in the woods and came across a bear, a swarm of bees or a hippo which would you be more afraid of?

Him: (more of the eye rolls, forehead rubbing, and  sighs) Wants to know why there is a hippo in the woods and then proceeds to answer with more reason and logic.

I like that he entertains my randomness!  Once I get to know someone and feel comfortable around them then I’ll have weird conversations with them too! And we’ll all become best friends!

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I’m always trying to figure out the right thing to say to people.  I put an enormous amount of pressure on myself to not sound like a dumb ass.  Example:

New Person: How’s it going?

Me: Fine, everything’s fine.  I’m doing great. Why did you hear something?   That’s an  interesting shirt you have on.  What did you hear cause really it’s good.  I made some bread today and then tripped over nothing on my walk. Do you like bread?

It’s either all of that or I stare blankly and give a tiny wave.  Those closest to me understand my horror of being introduced to new people and will usually take the lead in the conversation.  If I do happen to say anything outta place, they are the ones who  will laugh with me so the new people think I’m funny and cute rather than inept socially.  I love those people, they really get/save me!

If I ever have the pleasure of meeting you in person, please excuse my nervousness, it’ll go away eventually (I think) and we’ll have some fun afterward…at my expense.  Along with funny memories of how weird I was when we met.  Sometimes I feel like the I’m only one who has this issue.  Anyone else? No, just me, that’s what I thought.

Until next week…I swear I’m cool in a brilliantly awkward way

 

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17 thoughts on “Social Awkwardness…I have it

  1. You are brilliant, yes, and cool. Awkward is the new cool, so you really are a rock star. Thank you for sharing your personal story. I totally get it! I am so glad you aren’t invisible. You make life more beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s so kind of you to say, thanks Melanie!
      P.S. ( I can’t remember the last time I logged into Linkedin, so I don’t remember any user names or passwords) I didn’t want you to think I was ignoring you, I just don’t use that site anymore.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It really is. It’s worth doing a Myers Briggs Test (Google for a free one). I never realised that I’m actually an introvert, mainly because of the work I do. By being a introvert, you need those ‘recharge’ periods before/after social engagements, else you end up being a bit clumsy, both physically and mentally. After long periods of activity / thinking (weeks), you need a solid break of just staring at the sky to recuperate. Compare that to genuine extroverts who genuinely thrive on social engagement and appear to grow stronger with each one….

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I am sorry but you had me laughing and grinning like a hyena! You would so fit into our family. So many things pop out of our mouths that are probably not appropriate. I am also sure that people can tell by my face what I am thinking. I love finding people who “get” me also. It makes life so much easier!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I knew it! I knew I would fit in at the farm 😊. I’m so glad you see the humor in this and get me! It certainly does make life interesting and more comforting. You and I could probably have a whole conversation just using facial expressions, haha 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You are certainly not alone in this. I dreaded social gatherings as a teenager/young person and would generally be found sitting on the stairs consoling someone who’d had too much to drink or just broken up with their boyfriend, or washing up in the kitchen. Similarly, as an adult I would prefer to be doing something practical rather than talking. I still freeze among strangers. It’s a long time since I’ve been in a large group other than my extended family, but my new neighbour once invited me round for a housewarming drink with her social worker colleagues. I had nothing in common with them whatsoever and dreaded the opening salvo of ‘what do you do?’ ‘Nothing, I don’t work.’ End of conversation. I just sat observing as they all drank too much and laughed loudly (quite understandably after work like theirs, child neglect etc.), I couldn’t even use alcohol to loosen my inhibitions. With my back and balance issues, that may have broken the ice, but it may have broken a limb too!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think you and I would get along quite well 😊. When I was a child, I would re-organize the other kids bedrooms while they were all outside playing together. I understand freezing up when around strangers, maybe that’s why I’m better at writing things than I am at speaking.

      Liked by 1 person

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