People like to point out our flaws, don’t they?! So this is a very raw and honest post about my vulnerabilities.
I have them, we all do, some people help protect them and others want to expose them. I feel like if I’m the one who brings my flaws to light then others will be able to say, “Hey me too!” And then we can be life long friends and live happily ever after! I’ve learned how to be okay with these misgivings and even laugh at myself because of them. Okay, (deep breath….exhale sloooowly) here are the big ones:
1) Life: I suck at life. I’m not famous, athletic, can’t sing or dance. I haven’t change any laws, cured cancer or motivated any type of change in the world. So sometimes I have those moments where I wonder; UGH…What am I doing with my life and when will I figure it out? What’s my purpose for existing? I should being doing something more than laundry, right? You don’t get awards for washing someone’s dirty underwear, phfff! I compare myself to Mother Teresa or Ghandi- now there are some people who changed things!
2) Marriage: I suck at this. Hello, I’ve been divorced twice and we all know what the common denominator is, me!! Everyday I wake up thinking is today the day he’s going to leave and everyday I’m thankful he doesn’t. Marriage is not for selfish people, it is about your spouse. It’s the most fragile relationship we ever have and a lot of times it’s the last one we tend to take care of. Yeah, sometimes I’m selfish or want to cuddle while he’s watching the game (apparently a big no-no.) I probably ask too many questions (again during a game) but maybe he just watches too many games! I wonder at times if I’m doing enough to make his life easier and what exactly does he see in me that keeps him loving me. Whatever it is, I’m glad he does.
3) Parenting: Okay my kids are adults (26 and 22) and on their own. I’m positive I have contributed to everything that is wrong with them and caused them to consider therapy. I think of myself as the World’s Okayest Mom. Did I yell too much, not enough, was I too strict, maybe to lenient? Did the divorce damage them irrevocably? All I ever wanted to be was that super mom, you know that mom, the cool mom, she’s does everything perfectly. I have always felt that I should’ve been better at “momming.” Is it awful that I occasionally dropped them off at school in my bathrobe?!
This should probably be an on going post because there are soooo many more but you know what? It’s okay that I suck at some things, I laugh, I learn, I keep going and take life with a grain of salt. No matter what I do there will always be people who judge me. And I kinda like that my life is imperfect, it makes for much better memories, don’t you agree?